with the womenfolk off to see some “progressive hiphop” tonight, jason barnwell esq and i felt that we somehow had to balance our small universe, be a yin to their yang, if you will. originally i had suggested beowulf, but then realized that we should go big: head out to eastern washington for indian food and 200 9mm rounds at the indoor range. as my lawyer put it on our way over the lake: gandhi would be proud.

we rented a 9mm pistol. on either side of us, dudes were busting off fully automatic weapons. shit is both loud and disquieting. i was thinking it and then jason said it: there are dudes in close-quarter combat dealing with that all around them as we speak. terrifying.

tuesday is ladies’ night at the range. apparently you have to get there early because it fills up quickly. this won’t be a problem for us because i’m pretty sure that mia has zero interest in joining the second amendment sisters.

i will be a participant. the theme is ‘what i did on my summer vacation’ ‘the environment’. now i just have to think of an appropriate topic. i wish i hadn’t already used that crying indian post.

jesse, mia, and jay did the puyallup (pronounced: pew-AL-up) fair. specifially, the puyallup fair rollercoaster. here’s a video:

we also saw some mutton bustin’. it was funner than i thought it would be. in case you are in the dark about what mutton bustin’ is, here’s an explanatory photo:

just kidding.

that said, if i did smoke, i’d own this cigarette dispensing donkey. the cigarettes come out of its butt.

it’s making the rounds at work today. amazon humor.

i thought the whole borat being from kazakhstan was funny because one of the illest cyclists, alexander vinokurov, is also from there. many people favor vinokurov to win this year’s tour de france.

i don’t read a ton of cycling coverage anymore (mostly because the doping allegations depress me), so i’m not sure how many borat/vinokurov jokes were made prior to the tour. probably a lot of them. this, however, must be the best of all of them. and yes, borat is holding up vinokurov’s jersey.

© AFP Photo

currently disgraced 2006 tour de france winner floyd landis came to speak yesterday at amazon. he was as funny and disarming as he normally is in interviews. there was a raffle for copies of his new book, and i won one. he signed it.

i say that he’s currently disgraced because of a positive test for testosterone. his arbitration has been progressing slowly, as most doping cases do, so he’s not racing this year. when he tested positive last year, i was pretty bummed. i like cycling and really like floyd, but with all the riders who have been implicated in doping, it’s hard to get completely engaged in it anymore.

anyway, before yesterday i thought that floyd did it but now i think he didn’t. i’m both jaded and trusting and am incredibly easy to convince of things (which is something i don’t particularly like about myself, but changing it means becoming someone who is skeptical of everything and there is nothing more boring than dealing with people who don’t trust anyone. between being boring and being easily swayed, i’ll take flip-flopping).

when floyd signed my book yesterday, i wished him luck with his case. with any luck, he’ll be pissing all over france again next year.

photo by graham watson

my parents are out visiting us for three weeks. we’re long past the 2/3 mark and they’ll be leaving on tuesday. it’s going quite well, thank you for asking. they are apartment-sitting for one of my coworkers and today some piece of hardware fell off a door or something in the apartment. my dad, ever the handyman, told me that he wanted to fix it. i said i’d loan him some screws and a screwdriver (apple, not far from the tree).

as we were wrapping up dinner tonight, we were talking about supplies needed to fix the door and my mother looked at me and inquired, “do you have long screws in your apartment?”

silence.

she’s usually good for about one of these comments per trip and this one was a gem.

the art just keeps on coming. a few weeks ago, i donated to joe alterio’s robots and monsters marathon fund. basically, he’s running a marathon and needs to raise n dollars. you give him three words and some cash and you get a robot or a monster drawing in return. i’m into the one he drew for me.

long bitter chicken

last week i took a piece of my small advance check from the future me book and bought myself some art. it arrived today. this is the first piece of art i’ve ever purchased. the artist’s name is mimi lipson. i’m super-into her work.

here it is (ignore my filthy windows and my filthy space needle):

wow. wellington grey made a really beautiful (and scary) chart that shows the percentage of people in a country who have a BMI greater than 30 (which is when you’re considered obese). fyi: BMI = body weight divided by the square of your height.

there is some controversy about BMI and whether it applies in all cases (pro athletes who have a lot of mass, people of different ethnicities, people who have different body types, etc), but it’s still a good general guide to determine healthy weight. it’s what they use to determine whether spanish runway models are too thin and what they use to determine whether or not most americans take in more calories than they burn.

the outcome:

we’re #1! in your face, mexico!

via theheylady

the other, staying in seattle. i’m pretty psyched. for the first time in seven years, my baby brother and i will be living in the same time zone. it’s still a flight away, but being in the same time zone makes visiting easier. visiting new york is hard. it’s far. anyway, dave and his wife, mary o’reilly, are moving there in two weeks. they just made the final decision today.

los angeles friends: many of you have met my brother. the rest of you will probably meet him, and when that happens you may feel like you’re hanging out with a slightly different jay. you’ll think to yourself, ‘hm, this dude is just like jay — same mannerisms, same skinny, same shitty puns. only something is different. maybe more tattoos, more relaxed, and less obsessed with fruit?’ yes, yes, and yes.

psyched!

joe alterio who is part of the super-secret circle that i also belong to is running the san francisco marathon (actually, so are dan and sarah reines, which is kind of making me want to run at least the half with dan). to raise cash to meet his fund raising goal, he’s drawing robots and monsters! you send three words and a donation and he’ll put your words to paper in the form of a robot or a monster drawing, then he’ll mail it to you and blam! i’m into it. and as soon as i can think of three words, i’m getting one.

chicken, bunny, alone. something.

lloyd, lloyd. all null and void?